Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.